Fearfully and Wonderfully Broken
If you are in the midst of great soul-sorrow, this book is written for you. Christians are often afraid to put language to deep suffering. It doesn’t seem “holy” to outwardly grieve our losses, to lament our afflictions, to put up words like modern-day dust and ashes. This book is my humble effort to sit […]
Against All Human Hope: Dealing With Disappointment
When I got home from Christmas break, I celebrated one week without falling. A few days later, a brutal combination of COVID and a symptom flare forced me to the ground quite literally. The day after I tested positive, I fell seven times. Seven. Once for each day that I had celebrated my new record. That […]
The Pain of Glory: When God’s Teaching Hurts
The first time I lost my ability to speak it lasted three days. I woke up from a seizure and the words were gone. My tongue had no way of reaching them. The dark pool between my mind and mouth was deep and uncontrolled. I have since lost and regained the ability to speak many […]
Do You Love Me?
“I had been my whole life a bell, and never knew it until at that moment I was lifted and struck.” – Annie Dillard. I remember when I first became sick, telling my husband that it didn’t feel like one disease, it felt like a different disease every day. I didn’t know at the time […]
To Wormwood on Pain
My Dear Wormwood, I understand that you are trying a new tactic on your patient – the sudden onset of physical pain. Even my hardened heart cringes a little at this ploy, as you naively tinker on the edge of your own destruction. Prolonged suffering will either seal your patient forever in your grip of […]
The Ride of Shasta
The fog had smote the world beneath, A misty haze under his feet, A lonely road before him spread, A road to which he saw no end. Silence only met his ears and Darkness whispered nightly fears and Abandonment he felt once more, As on that night at distant shore. “Stricken, unlucky boy […]
Eight Lessons I’m Learning from Pain
For over a year now, despite this constantly being on my mind, I have been afraid to write this post. First, not many people have known what I’ve been struggling with, and opening this vulnerability to the world is frightening. Second, though I am now more acquainted with physical pain than I have ever been, […]
A Prodigal Daughter
I didn’t have a favorite parable of Jesus until I was 19 years old. I remember sitting on the deck outside, allowing the sun to soak into my skin. I was exhausted. My family had left for the day and I was reveling in the fact that I could be alone and out of doors. […]
Homesick for Heaven
He sat among the shadows deep, In the corner in the bar, And he looked weary in their sweep, Like a man who wandered far. His clothing was torn and tattered, And thick dirt besmeared his face Which was lined, and dark, and battered And with tears his cheeks were traced. “Old man,” […]
Getting Unlost: The Desolation of Brokenness
When visiting a friend back home, I took a wrong turn and ended up two hours deep into the backroads along the water. At first, I was fine with the adventure, entering and exiting dark streets surrounded by forest, the clouds blotting out the stars that studded the night sky. But about 45 minutes after […]